that is the question.
I've got friends who are devoted Facebook users, most of them young, socially active and just getting started in the game of life and developing relationships. Having a social network to post pics and gather friends is a must for them, but I thought I was way too old for that playground. I'm pretty well settled, not into weekend trips to the lake or partying until wee hours of the morning anymore. Yep, I'm a stay-at-home nester whose date plans involve renting a movie and ordering in.
Anyway, one of the vets at my office has discovered Facebook and is enthralled with it. She's more my age, married with kids and like me, she's settled. She said she likes it because she can connect with old friends, find out what they're up to now. So that got me to thinking about people I'd long ago lost touch with and wondering how their lives were going, etc. So yesterday, while spending a rainy and cold Saturday in my cozy old house, I decided to see if there was anyone I knew on Facebook. Surprisingly I found a lot! Some friends that I have now, some that I hadn't seen in 10 years or more. I had to sign up in order to search, so I was all ready to email these people and ask them to be my Facebook friend. Sounds lame, I'm aware of this. LOL!
But the more I got to searching and finding people, I started wondering if I should leave well enough alone? I mean, we haven't kept in contact so maybe we weren't such good buddies? Though my experiences with different jobs, co-workers/friends come and go all the time, people who were your best lunch pals and interoffice companions don't often translate into the real world. Without the unifying bond of work, a lot of times the conversation sags and you find there's not that much you really have in common. So I've learned to enjoy people at the time, knowing that not everyone is meant to stay in your lives forever. And the ones that are you don't really lose touch with.
Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. While on my Facebook search I found people with kids I never knew they had; old boyfriends with their wives (and sometimes kids); people I used to work with who don't look at all the same and truthfully probably aren't the same as I remember them. I guess I'm debating on whether I should reconnect or if I should let our history together be just that (ok, no debate on the old boyfriends, I'm definitely not going there!) That maybe what I (and they) remember is much sweeter than what could be again and I shouldn't ruin the memory? Or am I overlooking the possibility that we might have a new set of commonalities to share now, life experiences that could forge a new bond? It wouldn't be the first time I've made friends via the internet and at least we'd have the advantage of some type of history beforehand.
I'll have to think on this a while and say thank you to whatever force kept me from sending 40 friend invitations last night during my searches! (and thanks Marls for the cute cartoon - perfect timing!)
3 comments:
Very interesting Katt. I too have thought about this very topic quite a bit. Sadly though, I have had a couple people find me from my past, through my brother. After a few conversations, I find that we just don't have anything in common.
I guess I am in the minority, as I do often wonder sometimes what became of certain people, but I prefer leaving my past where it is, in the past.
Good luck on your decision, and if you choose to make contact with old friends, I do hope everything works out. I know of many people that have renewed old friendships.
PS: My brother found many old friends from Classmates.com
Hey, there. I was able to Google a ton of names on Facebook without actually signing up for it and probably spent 3 hours one night, finding old school-mates and bouncing from their friends lists to another and finding more and more. I think it was late December or early January when I did this, after hubby and I ran into the older brother of my old prom date here in town and he asked if we were on Facebook (because apparently *every* freakin' body I went to high-school with is).
Though I couldn't visit their Facebook sites, just seeing who they'd friended kind of weirded me out. People who wouldn't have given each other the time of day in school were now friended. On the one hand, that probably shows maturity. But, OTOH, it gave me a vibe of desperation... were they all just clinging to a common past of supposedly better or glory days? I dunno. It's probably any and all of the above.
Ultimately I've resisted the pull and, on the few occasions when I wanted to check someone out - i.e. my friend's recent boyfriend who found her on Facebook - I just ask some of my younger co-workers who I know have accounts and we peek at the sites that way.
I'm definitely leaning toward leaving the past behind. I certainly didn't mean I wanted to go back to high school days! I have one friend, Mary, that I've had through elementary school and everyone else, well, I haven't kept up or really want to. Mary still lives in the same town, works with a lot of people we went to school with so if I wanted to connect I could. OTOH, she'll mention a name and I swear I can't recall half the people we graduated with! And it was a small class (less than 70), so I've apparently blocked out most of my memories of HS anyway. LOL!
I was talking about people I used to actually like. LOL! Like my writing buddy, Trey, who is now a semi-famous freelancer for a Dallas newspaper; or an old roommate or co-worker. It might be nice to touch base with them, but I don't want to have to update a Facebook page. Heck, you guys know I have a hard time writing consistently in my blog or keeping up with the friends I have now.
As for all your classmates, Marls, I think #1, they want to gather as many "friends" as possible; and #2, some people are really clinging to that familiarity that they know the name so therefore they email them.
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